INT. RONNIE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Ronnie is on the phone. Vanessa is on her iPad, chuckling.
RONNIE: (into phone) Jeremy, calm down – I understand. You need the "Baby Steps" column in three days. No problem, man, I'm on it... Okay. Cool. (he disconnects) Damn. (to Vanessa) What’s so funny?
VANESSA: This comic I follow on Twitter.
RONNIE: Did you know that Twitter is built on Drupal? So is YouTube and Facebook and –
VANESSA: – Glad to see you’re getting somewhere.
RONNIE: Hey, I already downloaded a WAMP server.
VANESSA: A what?
RONNIE: WAMP. It’s an acronym for Windows... Apache... MySQL... PHP.
VANESSA: Which means?
RONNIE: I have no idea.
VANESSA: You’re procrastinating.
RONNIE: No! Yeah. I didn't realize, when I proposed writing the column, how complicated Drupal is. You want coffee?
VANESSA: It's eleven o'clock. I'm going to bed.
RONNIE: I'll just watch one of the instructional videos they have.
VANESSA: Like last night?
VANESSA: You watched Pulp Fiction for the hundredth time.
RONNIE: Pulp Fiction has always been an inspiration.
VANESSA: And the night before that, American Psycho.
RONNIE: Also inspiring.
VANESSA: Goodnight. Don't wake me up.
She’s gone. Ronnie grabs the remote.
ON TV: The Big Lebowski.
INT. MIRA SUSHI - NIGHT
Ronnie, gloomy, sits at the bar. Polo pours a martini and removes the empty glass.
POLO: She broke up with you?
RONNIE: No, man, we're just... we're on, like... a hiatus. Until I have my website built.
As Ronnie slurps down most of his drink –
POLO: You better get on it – a chica like that, she won’t be single for long.
RONNIE: (glum) Thanks for the advice. 'nother one.
POLO: Dude, three martinis? You're not gonna get much Drupalizing done.
RONNIE: Drupal! I hate Drupal! It's ruining my life!
POLO: Okay, here's what you do – put a notice on CraigsList. Hire some kid with a computer science degree. Presto, you got yourself a website.
RONNIE: I don't know. The whole premise was that I do it myself. Hiring somebody feels like cheating.
INT. JOE - DAY
An artisanal coffee shop. Ronnie sits across the table from KEVIN TSAO (über-nerd, 22 but looks 15.) Ronnie sits across the table from KEVIN TSAO (über-nerd, 22 but looks 15.)
On the table: coffee cups, Ronnie's laptop, and Kevin's cellphone. Kevin scrolls and texts non-stop.
KEVIN: Sure, like, I could build you a Drupal website, and I could do it for, like, two hundred dollars. But if you want me to sit with you? And watch you do it? That'll be more like –
He suddenly laughs at a message and texts a rapid reply.
RONNIE: Kevin, you're on a job interview.
Kevin gives him a puzzled look.
RONNIE: Do you normally text when you're on a job interview?
Ronnie shakes his head.
KEVIN: So listen, like I said, if I do it myself, two hundred. But if I have to, y’know, babybysit sit you? – five hundred.
Kevin eyes another incoming text with dismay.
He types rapidly. Ronnie reaches over and covers Kevin's phone.
KEVIN: Yo! I'm in a polyamorous relationship! Sometimes it gets... you know.
RONNIE: No, actually. I don't know.
KEVIN: Time-consuming? Okay, I guess I could talk you through it for... uh, four hundred dollars say, if you're, like, a super-fast learner?
RONNIE: I went to Stuyvesant.
RONNIE: A while ago. Three hundred.
KEVIN: Fine. Go online.
KEVIN: I don't have a lot of time.
RONNIE: (opening his laptop) Right. You're in a polymorphous –
KEVIN: – Polyamorous.
RONNIE: Polyamorous relationship. (considers the possibility) Say...
KEVIN: No. Who’s your host?
RONNIE: Host? We’re having a party? Hahaha – kidding. Hey, I already have a WAMP stack.
KEVIN: WAMP sucks.
KEVIN: Linux is much more stable, plus it’s open source. Type in “one-click Drupal.”
Ronnie types; they study the search result.
RONNIE: Media Temple... Drupal Gardens... HostGator...
KEVIN: Drupal Gardens.
Ronnie clicks on Drupal Gardens. Kevin checks his phone, reads a text-message, frowns.
KEVIN: Damn it.
KEVIN: (abruptly standing) When it's downloaded, import the current Drupal version from Drupal dot org. We’ll finish up later.
RONNIE: Kevin –
KEVIN: – I'll text you.
He's out. Ronnie takes a sip of coffee, stares at the screen.
RONNIE: This looks promising.